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Dealing with gender issues
Learning to recognise, understand and deal with gender issues when they appear. There is no hard and fast rule here. Understanding what is going on is a critical step in coming to terms with it. This is true for all, not the one who has the issue. Support and understanding are crucial here.
Learning to accept that ignorance and fear exist and that others will be ignorant and fearful. As a transgendered person I have had my own fears and ignorance issues to deal with, learn about and let go of.
Getting a correct medical diagnosis can be a long, painful and slow process as well. This can be compounded by ignorance (where present) of the person or persons involved. This can include finding someone who is open to walking with me, but who can be objective as well. Building and maintaining that trust is central here. It is the basis of any relationship.
Religion can be and is used as a weapon here. The rule here is they are allowed to have an opinion but I do not have to own their opinion.
Ignorance can be perceived, actual, known, unknown, internal and external or combinations of all or some. It can come in many forms, threats, controlling behaviour and blackmail to name a couple. It can be individually or in groups. Being open or close minded as well as being informed or uninformed about the issue(s) here can make a difference to understanding as to what has and what needs to happen.
Black and white thinking along with fundamentalist ideologies and rigid thinking are also part of the journey. Extremist views are in the bounds of professional ignorance. This view believes it is ok to murder people (or undo transitions) for being different and will justify it as being okay and acceptable.
Part of this theology includes God makes male and female only. It completely ignores that variants exist and are allowed to happen. At times it excludes (or attempts to) them from the conversation.
All this can and does influence the decision about proceeding and where and how to proceed.
Sometimes people here may have there own issues as well. One way this comes across here, people can be extreme rigidity, demanding that I adhere to what they and only what they are saying. Using any circumstances twisted to their view to ram home their way as being the only way.
People like this are usually in abject denial. At times they will likely never be able admit let alone understand or accept that they themselves may have an issue.
This view is evil, wrong, demeaning and ungodly.
We can be really good at hiding our issues from ourselves. It is also delusional thinking to believe we can hide anything from Jesus. There is no darkness to dark for God, no hole or pit to deep, that his grace cannot to see into or reach down into and lift us out of.
Recognising that they may or may not have an issue here ultimately is their problem. Sometimes the best and only thing to do is to walk away and leave them to themselves.
If they choose denial they are allowed to. However, I do not have to support them, this is that persons journey not mine. I am not responsible for their decisions, they are.
Manipulation can be and at times is a weapon here. Recognising it and choosing not to take it on is critical here. When this happens it is about the other party, this is their issue.
For me bringing Jesus into the conversation made an incredible difference. He did not judge me. He understood my issue. He left the decisions to me. He works with where I am at. He will never impose his will on me. He lets me know when I go to far or overstep the mark. His love for me is a constant that never changes.
For me the point of no return happened when I had had enough of my internal struggle and pain. I simply now refuse to live like that any more. When I made that decision I found God was ready and waiting for me.
Post transition the biggest initial issue was trusting the decision I had made. An issue with my Christianity has been legalism. My parents were from a generation where pray, pay and obey spirituality was the way that they were raised. For me this legalistic framework was not freeing. It had a tendency to feel like I had to do this, and I have to do that etc.
When my Heavenly Father told me to, ‘Have the courage to back the decision I had made.’ Everything began to change after that. My heavenly Father was telling me he had my back. He understood what I had done.
Learning to trust the decision that has been made is critical to moving on. Even when the sheer ugliness of ignorance and denial have been shoved in my face. Knowing God has my back is why I can standup up to it.
Another piece here is not to be reckless about it. Asking for help when things show signs of going wrong. Being able to recognise when my fragility needs support. Not walking my life alone.